শুক্রবার, ১৫ জুন, ২০১২

বিয়ের প্রোপোজাল

এই চিঠিটা আসল চিঠি। কোনও বানানো জোক নয়। টাইমস অফ ইণ্ডিয়া পত্রিকায় বেরোনো একটা বিয়ের বিজ্ঞাপনের জবাবে যে চিঠি লেখা হয়েছিলো, সেটাই এখানে হুবহু তুলে দেওয়া হলো। যেহেতু চিঠিটা ইংরেজিতে লেখা হয়েছিলো, তাই সেটাকে আর বাংলায় অনুবাদ করলাম না। কারন অনুবাদ করলে চিঠির মজা পুরো নষ্ট হয়ে যাবে।
shovon
Madam,
shovon
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
shovon
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
shovon
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
shovon
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do?
shovon
So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.
shovon
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.
gap
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
gap
Expecting soon.
gap
Yours and only yours
gap
Choudhary Warraich,
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab